this isn’t a poem; it is anything you want it to be.

These days I do whatever I want, however I want and whenever I want to. I have no time fighting battles I shouldn’t be fighting. I am learning to trivialize issues that are trivial, learning to free my mind.

These days only a few people matter so much, hence only a few opinions actually matter. I have little to no expectations from most people, with the remaining few, i still have some expectations ,But in God, I place all my expectations. I know if i don’t get what I want, I probably didn’t need it or i’m getting something better. It still hurts, most times.

My relationship with God is the most important thing to me right now (it should always be the most important) . If I don’t stay connected to Him, everything falls apart but in Him, I am held together, I stay together.

Everyday,  i realize how imperfect i am, and i have decided to stop trying to fix things, I have decided to let it be. Imperfect is beautiful if you ask me (I hope you ask me). It is amazing how much beauty i get to see just by opening my eyes a little more.

The goal is to be the best i can be and make the best of all I have been given while I still have air filling my lungs. I have no rivals, no competitions all I have is one life, one heart and a voracious desire to live the best life possible…. one that will still shine long after i’m gone.

I do not have to prove anything to anyone but I do have one thing to prove to myself and that is that I can live my life fearlessly.

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BE REAL :- It’s okay not to be okay.

Everyone likes to be strong. Everyone likes to look their best. Everyone likes to be in control, Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Infact i believe it is human nature to always put up an every-thing-is-just-fine facade and sometimes we lie. Most times,our worlds seem to be falling apart and all we can do is just watch it fall.

i have come to understand that being a christian does not guarantee a perfect life. Being a christian guarantees that i have a perfect God who is working all the imperfect things in my life for my good. There are days when i wont be okay, i wont be happy, i wont be understand what’s going on and that’s okay. We all get those days.

The key thing is, if you cant be real with anyone, be real with God. i mean, he already knows you’re angry or confused or something of that sort. so Why pray to Him as if all is right? if you’re angry, say you’re angry. if you’re hurt, say it like it is.Just don’t be disrespectful.

Telling God how you feel doesn’t mean you don’t trust him, it doesn’t mean you don’t believe in Him, sometimes its just hard and you can tell him that and i promise God will refill you and give you all the grace you need to make it through. Isaiah 40:31 – “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

God already knows every single detail about you (psalm 139), there’s nothing you can hide so, just be real with him. Every time i have told God that i needed Him, he has shown up. He loves you and He wants to be there for you. So Allow him to love you like only He can.

God bless.xx

What God is Teaching Me: – PUT YOUR FEELINGS ASIDE.

in the last couple of months, i have gone through an array of emotions and crazy moods and sometimes, i don’t even feel like talking to God. (i’m sure everyone has felt this way before) but still, every time, i can feel God nudging me to talk to him, to come into his presence even if its for a short time, sometimes i obey, sometimes i don’t.

Here’s a thing: you can’t worship God based on your feelings. Feelings are fleeting and there are days life will hit you hard and the last thing you will want to do is talk to God, but you’ve got to decide to talk to him anyway. God is good, no matter how you feel, regardless of what you’re going through, He is good. And the least you can do for him is talk to him and trust him. He’s got everything in control. don’t let your feelings get in the way.

they say “don’t tell God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big your God is”. i’m so thankful God has taught me this, i just had to share it with you.

God bless xxx.

Lines Out of My Diary and God’s love.

*wipes tears* I am lying here totally blown away by the love of God and his attention to detail. In the last couple of days God has shown me that he knows the littlest things about me and that he is actively involved in my life.  here’s the story;

Saturday, JUNE 23.
I didn’t have such a good week but I was about to have lunch with my friend so I was pretty pumped. Lunch went well and I ended up talking about what has been on my mind and all. She gave good advice as usual. Then it was time to open our fortune cookies ( I love fortune cookies). I opened mine and it said “rely on long-time friends to give you some great advice”. Co-incidence? Nope, God-incidence. God found a way to talk to me and give me the direction I needed.

Sunday, JUNE 24.
One of the low self-esteem days. I woke up not feeling too good about myself and life.  i was disappointed in myself because I did something I wasn’t very proud of. I got to church in time for worship, I wasn’t really in the mood to worship, but I sang along anyway. The last song was “you’re beautiful, beautiful”, it was just saying how beautiful God is.

Midway into the second round of the song, the worship leader said (these are not his exact words but) “there’s someone here, who is disappointed in himself/herself for a mistake they made, you feel God is upset with you and you don’t deserve his love, God wants you to know that he loves you and you are beautiful.” He continued, “I want everyone to sit down, and listen to this song and imagine God singing it to you. God wants me to sing this to you”. And he sang “you’re beautiful, beautiful” over and over again, till I could feel the love of God. I told myself, “never forget this moment, when the days get tough remember this.” And I soaked it all in.

( ps: I don’t remember the name of the song, and the only parts I remember are “you’re beautiful, beautiful”)

Tuesday, JUNE 27.
I pray every day but on this day, I just didn’t feel like it. I didn’t feel God wanted to hear from me either, so I just did other things. Later in the day, I just went to my email and I felt led to read my devotional for the day (I use Girlfriends in God), and the bible passage for the day was Songs of Solomon 2:14

I was absolutely blown away and I was blushing like crazy. OMG, the maker of the heavens and the earth thinks my voice is sweet and my face is lovely. What more could a girl ask for? :’). It totally warmed my heart and I said, “Good one God.” I couldn’t stop smiling. I had a really Good conversation with God that day. I felt really loved.

Tuesday, JULY 3.
You know how you ask God for something and he doesn’t give it to you? It has happened to me a lot but I trust his decisions so I accept it. There was something I really wanted today and I didn’t want to ask God because I didn’t want to ask Him and then he won’t do it. I didn’t want to be disappointed. Anyways, the awesome thing is he did it for me. I didn’t even need to ask him. He read my mind and he made it happen. I am so happy right now, you have no idea.

I was about to write this post about how awesome God is and the song “your love never fails by Chris Quilala and Jesus culture” popped up on my YouTube feed and I gave it a listen. 

  This song says exactly how I feel and God has reminded me that His love never fails. i do not believe in co-incidences, i believe in God-incidence. Everything is ordained by God. everything and everyone you meet is all a part of God’s grand plan to take you to where you are meant to be. 🙂

Do you feel God knows nothing about your life? Do you feel he doesn’t care or he doesn’t know where you’re at? Are you lonely and afraid? You don’t have to be. Jesus loves you too much, way too much and he wants to hear from you. He knows all the little details of your life. (read psalm 139) . You haven’t prayed in a while? That’s okay, you can pray now. I just want you to feel the very amazing love of God. It’s the best thing ever. it is real and tangible. It is just amazing knowing that someone is always looking out for me. Nothing can separate you or me from the love of God. Nothing!

God bless !!!

REBEL CHRISTIAN.

Three days ago she lost sight of her belief,
Something told her,
“It’s okay to immerse yourself in that wrong”
“just a little bit won’t hurt, just a little…”

And you know, That’s how it starts
from a little bit, To a little more, to a lot more
and soon she would be too far gone,
too far gone, she wouldn’t know her way back.

So I told her to stop and look around,
Forget the pleasures of the world,
They will hold you bound. Nothing is as perfect
as the sound of your beating heart.

Jesus loves you way too much,
For you to live your life this way.

i like to think that i am a christian.

I don’t know about you but I hate watching or reading stories of people who went to heaven and hell and all that. I hate it because it makes me feel useless. It makes me feel like I can never make heaven. It scares me and it makes me question myself, my life etc. I have even asked God why he created me because I don’t think I can make it. I feel like a failure.

But lately I have been feeling very disconnected from God. I think it started December last year. And I know why. There is this thing that I have been struggling with for so long and I can’t seem to move past it. For a couple of weeks, whenever I opened my bible, it always led to a passage that talked about God’s wrath and anger. And how he was disappointed etc. I would quickly close my bible and Just sleep. I did not know that God was trying to say something to me.

Today, I took a break from my study and went on Facebook.  I saw a post about the Ugandan pastor that had an encounter with God . I scrolled past it. But I felt something compel me to listen. It was an hour and thirty seven minutes long, I was a bit discouraged but I started to listen.

Mid-way through the pastor’s testimony, I finally got it. My bible passage encounter was quite similar to that of the pastor. God was angry with me and that’s what he has been trying to tell me all along. He has been trying to get my attention. In everyone’s eyes, I’m such a devout Christian. Hey guys, I’m not. I am a sinner just like you. And I am ashamed. I try, believe me I do. May be just not hard enough but the point is that God is upset and tired of the way I live.

I no longer live for God, as much as I think I do, I don’t. I live for people. I am so concerned about what people think and what people would say. But God doesn’t want me to worry about all that. He just wants me to live in faith and trust and just live for him. He doesn’t want me to care about being the cool kid or hot girl or whatever, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. It never has and never will. God is also very interested in the way we treat others. Respect and be kind to one another.

You see, everything you have ever done is before God. He knows and he sees. You can’t hide. The deepest secret of your heart he knows. I know that it is hard, and there are so many distractions and so many things that seem to get your attention. No human effort can put you in right standing with God. That’s why he sent the Holy Spirit. To help you, guide you, comfort you and give you strength. God will help you if you ask. He will walk with you all the way, every single step.

But we need to change. We live in so much sin, it is almost normal. We can’t see the difference between what is bad and what is not. I see people on twitter whose bios say #teamjesus yet you tweet about sex and all the immoral things? Can’t u even see the irony? God’s heart is breaking. We need to stop hurting him. (myself included). Most Christians often wonder why non-Christians blaspheme against God, it is because of us, Christians. The way we live, the things we say….. etc. we do not respect God, so why would they?

“and that’s it. Eventually God will bring everything that we do out into the open and Judge it according to ITS HIDDEN INTENT, whether it is good or evil” Ecclesiastes 12:14. We will all be judged one day. Please live right. I know it feels like there are so many rules but just take it one step at a time. We will make it. We all can.

For the first time I do not feel like I’m a failure. I feel like God loves me so much. He wants me to make it to heaven. Heaven is worth waiting for. Even when it gets tiring and annoying please don’t give up. Find Christian friends, they will help pull you up when you’re falling. I am human too and I know I will make mistakes but my plan is to never give up. I get afraid sometimes but God is right beside me every step of the way urging me on.  He will never leave.

i’m not here to judge you or condemn you. i mean who am i to even dare?  i just want to encourage you try and if you are already trying, try  harder. it will all be worth it in the end.

Two more things before I go,

  • We all need to read our bibles. It is important. It is like a map to an unknown world. The bible will guide us. It is the book with the only truth. It will keep us from deception and will keep us on the right track.
  • Jesus loves you and He wants you to be part of his family. Everything he did on the cross was for you. You are worth it.

Oh yeah, if you are interested in the Ugandan man’s testimony. Here’s the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2YUaeyditU .It is quite lengthy but worth the watch.

and this is just something to encourage you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO-Cp2kcFjc&list=FLaTdKnKPPu4ODkztxEEvaiA&index=3&feature=plpp_video

God bless you and give you the grace to carry on in the Christian race. ❤ ❤

my annoying self.

people often ask how come im always in such good state with God and why I trust Him so much. Here’s the truth, im not always in good standing. Sometimes I mess up real bad, I do things I promised I wouldn’t do, I complain and nag etc. honestly, i am so annoying . But after all that I still go back to God. And I say, “hi God, I know ive messed up and its okay if you don’t want to talk… but I know you want to talk so please lets make things right”, I ask for forgiveness and move on like I did no wrong. Over time ive promised that I will never give up on me. I will never let my wrongs get in the way of my relationship with God. No matter what I do, no matter how annoying I get, ill still be back at God’s door every night . I know sometimes we feel like we done so much wrong and ure too filthy to talk to God. Lol! You shud see when im in that state. I walk straight to God and say,” I feel really filthy,please can u clean me up?” And He always does.

 

i dont care how messed up you are or what you did, All im tryin to say is everytime u do wrong, go to God first and say it like it is. Of course he will be disappointed but he loves you too much to stay mad at you. And once you ask for forgiveness, it is over, forgetten. It is finished.

 

you shud read… Psalm 103 vs 8-14